Fairy tales in real life almost always go wrong


As young girls, we grow up with the idea that we’re all princesses.  Disney has various princesses, enough to satisfy all tastes.  Parents call their daughters “little princesses”, and we see small pink bouffant dresses with garlands being sold in clothes stores, toy stores, and children’s stores.  A little girl is always a “princess”.  The majority of princesses in children’s stories (only the more traditional ones – stories with a different take on the princess trope are safe) have a prince who solves all their problems, then they live happily ever after.  This is always the end of the story:  The prince finds, then fights for the princess, who is waiting passively for him, and they get married.  The princess, in the end, has a dream come true: her prince.  She doesn’t need anything else.

This bombarding of princesses gives many women the idea that once you have a husband, your story is over.  Nothing else is important.  The whole point of life is finding a husband who will solve all your problems and make you magically happy for the rest of your life.  I shouldn’t need to say that this is not only wrong, but also incredibly harmful to a relationship (for both the husband and wife).  So without further ado, we’ll go straight to the prime reasons that is bad for you, your partner (future or current), and your relationship.

Rigid roles in a relationship are stressful and lead to disappointment, for men just as much as women.  It’s difficult to be a perfect princess all the time, and equally hard to be prince charming who has to do absolutely everything.  When you put everything on your partner he’s constantly exhausted, and when you expect too much, you’re just asking to be disappointed.

Being a princess prevents you from growing as a person. Girls who only focus on being delicate and feminine end up powerless to do anything of importance.  Women who only focus on their romantic objectives tend to have less interest in careers in math and sciences.  Women who don’t place their values in any other area than their own relationship  also have less self-esteem and become depressed more easily than women with diverse interests.

Women who search for prince charming will only find princes who aren’t so enchanting. If your partner wants complete femininity and delicateness out of you, that means he won’t want an assertive, independent woman who can make her own decisions.  Being a princess means your decisions and opinions will not be respected.

To be put on a pedestal and seen as a delicate flower can make you suffer from “benevolent machismo” from your partner.  To have an enchanting prince that protects you from everything has one major downside:  he is going to make all of your decisions for you (and almost always in a way that doesn’t benefit you – remember: if it looks too good to be true, it probably is).  I’m not saying that your partner is guaranteed to be like this, but by being a princess, you open many opportunities for this type of person.

In summary:  A fairy tale relationship is exhausting for both parties.  Demand too much of the man and the woman loses her purpose (and even more with time).  It’s important to have a healthy relationship, with realistic expectations and equal say in important decisions.  Don’t be a princess, be a warrior.  Go, and conquer your world.

To schedule an online consultation:
+55 (21) 99742-7750
Skype: paulamonteirocounseling

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