Unfortunately, divorce happens. Even married couples who have bought a house together, have kids, share all of their business and possessions, and look perfectly happy, break up more often than you might think. It’s sad, and the saddest of all is that in many of these situations, divorce could be avoided.
I do not want to make anybody announce the thought of divorce at the first moment it crosses their mind in a fight, as many do – because this is not a subject to be discussed with a hot head. It’s a subject that should be discussed calmly. Many people mention divorce in all the fights that they have with a partner, and like the story of ‘the boy who cried wolf’, the subject loses its gravity, and the ‘threat’ of divorce becomes a rehearsed speech without any real value.
However, during consultations, I see many patients who, by the time they come to therapy, the damage has already been done, and it’s already too late for any hope of repairing the relationship. Lack of appropriate communication is a serious problem in a large percentage of relationships. Communicating about considering divorce before giving the “final warning” is essential. Here are some reasons:
-It is important to communicate with your husband/wife about important concerns you might have about the relationship. Your partner has the right to know your thoughts and desires, and to have a chance to think on the situation. A final decision on divorce does not appear from nothing, and until the moment in which it is announced the idea could have passed through the head of one partner thousands of times, while the other doesn’t suspect anything. It’s unfair to attack them with a final blow without them having any idea what’s happening.
-When you or your partner is communicating about the seriousness of the situation, he is much more likely, and more motivated to change, and can demonstrate how he plans to do something (or not) to salvage the relationship.
-Having a conversation about divorce with your partner not only will it make them think about it, but it will also help you think more clearly about the subject.
If you can’t express yourself easily in a relationship when it comes to divorce, marriage counseling is a good place to converse with each other, with the help of a therapist. Don’t leave therapy for the last minute, when the divorce is already final.
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