1. Always thinking “If only I had…”
We all have regrets relating to something that happened in our past, it could be something that we could have controlled (‘If only I had studied more…”) or had no control over(“If only I had been born in another country/family…”). The big problem is that these regrets can drag on for years (sometimes even decades!), they don’t help improve our attitude (unless you have a time machine), they only bring frustration, and the worst part: dwelling on these thoughts can make us follow the same paths we went down before
Transform the “if only I had…” by changing how you think of the past, and learning from it:
-“That happened, yes, but now I learned and I can do it differently.”
-“I can’t change my past, but I can change my future.”
These thoughts are far healthier and will help you work towards ending the regret and self-sabotage.
2.Burying your feelings
Many people think that expressing strong feelings means starting public drama or yelling at someone. However, the truth is that if you embrace your feelings, the chance of these things happening is reduced as opposed to burying your feelings; whether for fear of being judged, or due to guilt.
The truth is that buried feelings grow stronger instead of disappearing. It’s like having a pot of boiling water: if you cover it, not only will it continue boiling, but eventually it will boil over and make a mess. However, if you remove the lid and let the air in, you’ll have a much more stable situation. Knowing and expressing your feelings does not make a mess; covering them, however, does.
3. Starting tomorrow
This is especially common when people start a new diet: They eat normally, and the diet always starts tomorrow. And tomorrow never comes. This happens with productivity too:
“Today is a bad day, I’ll start my project tomorrow.”
Why not transform this one day delay into fifteen minutes? Why, instead of starting ‘tomorrow,’ don’t you start in an hour? Shortening this pause helps to reduce the “all or nothing” way of thinking. Take a break, however short: take a walk, breathe, mediate, or talk with a friend – anything that helps you to concentrate on “re-booting” your system. Don’t forget that tomorrow is never today. Focus on your plans now.
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